Thursday, December 11, 2014

This Made Me LOL In The Wee Hours
Cuz I'm A Professional Hater

If you've never flipped through a Pottery Barn or Pier One catalog without biting back bitterisms, you're probably not related to me. And, while we're at it, L.L.Bean, quit fucking sending me your glossy garbage pics of yuppie yarnwear! I live in SOUTH FLORIDA, ffs. So, when I discovered Drew Magary's "2014 Hater's Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog", I knew it was specifically written for me [after all, the possessive is in the singular....].
The 2014 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
My only question is: Does this brilliant tome come in hardcover? I think it'd make an excellent coffee table book during the holidays, don't you?

Oh, BTW, fuck you, too, Barney's.

Signed,

HaterMonkey




Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Comparison Of Witness Testimony | Ferguson

Don't Have Time To Read It All? PBS Got You Covered


This is worth checking out. There's even a nifty side-by-side chart, so simple even Bob McCulloch could use it (he obviously didn't). Anyway, we'll leave you alone to draw your own conclusions.


What do the newly released witness statements tell us about the Michael Brown shooting? | PBS NewsHour

Signed,
 
ReaderMonkey


Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Yo. I Smell Weed. Obviously.

We need to have Don Lemon do all the live reporting on everything. At all times. Like, 24/7. CNN's ratings would skyrocket cuz we'd all tune in just to see what random part of his shoe he'd be spitting out.
CNN's Don Lemon Puts Foot in Mouth ... Again
But, for real, though - do y'all smell that?

Signed,
 
ItWasntMeMonkey


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Hands Up! Don't Read!
Grand Jury Transcript Makes Monkey Mad..der

If you follow us on Twitter, you probably got the hint earlier, i.e. this is some incredible next level bullshit.


But, hey. Don't believe us - we're just a bunch of misguided, mixed monkeys, after all. Read it for yourself and/or the not-so-brief synopsis of key fuckery points set out in CNN's article:

Ferguson decision: What witnesses told the grand jury
Don't say we didn't warn you.

Signed,

ThisMonkey

FILED UNDER: #WeCallBullshit


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