Thursday, November 7, 2013

OUR MOST FAVORITE THING EVER:
The Stafford Project

We haven't blogged in ages but we are COMPELLED to share this with our loyal reader(s):

Michelle Stafford
If you are a fan of The Young & Restless, you are very familiar with two-time Emmy winner, Michelle Stafford, who defined the role of "Phyllis" for some 15 years, and you also know she has left the show. Well, on first learning of her departure, we were quite distraught and hurled all kinds of hate and fury in the general direction of the producers of Y&R, mistakenly thinking it was their doing. We were wrong. Stafford left the show on her own terms because she wanted to pursue her dream of dipping her toes in comedy - and let's face it, we all knew she had a funny bone even when she played the conniving, red-headed vixen/villain on Y&R.

Well, thank GAWD she left Y&R because we are all now blessed with her highly entertaining, refreshingly smart, deliciously quirky, spit-your-drink-out-funny web series, The Stafford Project.

There's really no need for us to explain it to you because we know our loyal reader's level of intelligence is such you'll "get it" right away. Suffice it to say, it's something of a "day in the life of" reality show motif along the lines of The Office (the original, British version, not the watered-down US one), Extras, Curb Your Enthusiasm, etc. But, what makes The Stafford Project unique in this hilarious genre? The lead is a WOMAN! [Cue Helen Reddy ... er, I mean, Katy Perry - we're not THAT old, FFS.]

Anyway, we wouldn't want to rob you of the opportunity to discover all of the comedic complexities and awkward goofiness, so no spoilers. Episode 7 has already been uploaded and we understand #8 will arrive on Monday. We wait with barely bated breath. In the interim, we'll share the series opener with you here and trust you'll find The Stafford Project is as addictive as meth, just like we did. Enjoy!


Signed,

CacklingMonkey

P.S. To stay up-to-date with Michelle and The Real Stafford Project, you can follow on Twitter (she is very engaging and really generous with her fans): @TheRealStafford  and @StaffordProject

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Note from Editors: As always, we are forced to clarify certain comments made by the Monkeys in the above post.We did not intend to cast any aspersion on the US version of The Office. It was a fine series. (The first 2 seasons, anyway.)  Finally, and most importantly, no, the Monkeys have never tried meth, that we know of. They just watch a lot of TV. Our loyal reader knows those flea-infested hooligans like to talk a big game and act all gangsta. Ignore them. As always, the editors and administration of Sociopathologie thank you for your patience and understanding.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Starbucks used water from restroom to make coffee...

... explains why it tastes like shit.

Not sure what all the fuss is about. These people act like the water that comes out of the faucet in the bathroom is any fucking different than the tap water in the kitchen. Get a grip, you germaphobic morons. [I only call you morons cuz you buy Starbucks coffee].

Signed,

PoopMonkey

Full story: Hong Kong Starbucks used water from restroom to make coffee | USA Today

Sunday, May 19, 2013

¡Ay Carajo en Caracas!
Here's Hoping Your Shit Don't Stink...

No, I mean it. Cuz what with the toilet paper shortage in Venezuela, you better hope the racing stripes in your BVDs aren't tainting up the bodega, pa' que sepa.

I think this dude's expression pretty much sums up the whole shituation:

Photo: Jorge Silva | Reuters
I mean, pobrecito looks like he's got a mean streak of the runs on deck and he's not really sure he's squeezing enough Charmin.

Also, where the fuck is the nearest baño? ¡Coño puñeta!

Meanwhile, economists are taking a dump on the late Hugo Chavez; current president, Nicolás Maduro is pointing his brown finger at "anti-government forces"; and commerce minister, Alejandro Fleming is stink-palming the media for causing the shitstorm, claiming they created an "excessive demand" for TP.

This Monkey tends to side with Señor Fleming - for a variety of reasons. First of all, many of you read the newspaper while on the shitter, am I right? Secondly, a lot of what you read therein is crap. And finally, if there's a toilet paper shortage, you can always wipe your ass with the waste paper you're reading [can't do that with an iPad, trust me, I've tried]. It's a win-win-win for print media and guarantees ongoing relevance in an online world. Let the fecal festivities begin!

Frankly, this Monkey doesn't get what all the fuss is about. Who needs toilet paper?


Signed,

iFlingPoopMonkey

Note from Editor: *ducks quickly* Once again, we're not sure where that went awry. For some reason, we give the Monkeys an assignment of economic and geopolitical importance and wind up with a video of a primate peeing in its own potty mouth? Remind us to vet the Monkeys better in the future. Thanks for your patience, as always.

Read more from a less scatological point of view, by people with a sense of decorum:



Thursday, May 16, 2013

In Dickless Dumbass News:
Moron Mangles Manhood

It's a natural reaction, I suppose: Your girlfriend bitches cuz you drink too much so you lock your drunkass self in the bathroom and cut your cock and balls off.

Weapon of Dong Destruction
With a pair of scissors.

Makes perfect sense. I mean this shit - autopeotomy [the more you know] - happens all the time, am I right?

What? Don't believe me? Fine, then. Peep these prick pruning posts:

Hello?? ... Hmmmm .... We seem to have lost our male reader(s). Oh well.

Anyway, guess what this latest loony - a 46-year-old man from Jilong city in Taiwan - did next. He flushed his flesh flute down the toilet. I've said this before, and I'll say it again - that'll fuck up a septic tank.1

Well, eunuch dude's distraught damsel drove him to the hospital where, sadly, doctors said it was too bad he'd sent his severed schlong to the sewer cuz they think they could have sewn it back on. There is some good news, though - he can still pee out of the one inch stump he has left. So there's that.

Signed,

PissMonkey

1. From the Monkey archives: "Don't Eat That! You Don't Know Where's It's Been!" | Sociopathologie

Note From Editor: Are we the only ones highly disturbed by the Monkeys' collection of stories about dismembered members? All the gentlemen in the administrative offices here at Sociopathologie seem to be wearing athletic cups for some reason. It might be time for some serious group therapy up in here. These frigging Monkeys can't be trusted.


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