While it's true the incriminating video was shot on location in the Caribbean - the Monkeys' preferred stomping grounds - we can neither confirm nor deny whether any (or all) of the Sociopathologie Monkeys were captured copping cocktails on film. Nonetheless, in the interest of transparency and full disclosure, we proffer the following, for your consideration:
If you and/or a loved one suffered through the foregoing alcohol-related atrocities, which may or may not have been perpetrated by one (or all) of the Sociopathologie Monkeys, please accept the deepest and sincerest apologies from our staff and administration. As you know, we have no control over those blasted beasts.
In the unlikely event you continue to peruse our blog after this damning display of disrespect at the paws of the Monkeys (and again, it's
[Federal law requires we give the Monkeys equal time to respond]:
These accusations are outrageous and we do not appreciate the insinuation that we have to stoop so low as to steal over-priced, watered-down cocktails from stupid tourists who should know better than to fall asleep face down on a chaise lounge at a beach owned by thirsty Monkeys on vacation.
Besides, we don't drink alcohol. Mostly.