Messy Monkeys Avoid Apprehension

This is NOT necessarily one of the suspects
Photo: Levy County Sheriff's Office

And the whiny residents of Levy County, Florida are complaining about the crafty critters. According to the Sheriff's office, the sneaky simians shed [no way!]. They also sample pet food and scatter bits and pieces around carports. The homeowners then have to clean up the mess. OMG! The motherfucking horror! Hide the kids! It's like a sequel to the movie Outbreak up in that bitch!

Seriously, folks. Is this really that big of a deal? I mean, we're quite used to the random, possibly rabid, raccoon stealing our cats' Meow Mix. Frankly, the raccoon is a neater eater than his feline friends. [Yes, "friends" - the cats all but put out a friggin' welcome mat when Rocky stops by]. We simply accept that erstwhile "wild" animals are bound to visit and sample the bounties of  "domesticated" life. Shit, even the frogs do it - they regularly drink and/or bathe in the cats' water. Life in the tropics .. whatcha gonna do? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Apparently, they're less lenient in Levy County, however, such that they lodge actual complaints with the Sheriff's office, which sends out a lieutenant, who spends "hours with the complainant attempting to locate the monkeys" ... to no avail. Mind you, there are no reports of the monkeys' misbehavior other than not minding their meal-time manners. So why not just put your precious pet food somewhere else and leave the monkeys be? Harrumph.

Signed,

MiffedMonkey

Ed. Note: We find it quite funny that there are three (3) monkeys on the loose... .